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...thoughts
Subscribe to Joy's thoughts... November 17, 2008
October 31, 2008Today's blog is in form of picture. So I finally got a new camera! My camera crashed and burned on me a few weeks back and life without pictures is a boring existence. Anyhow, Canons are wonderful creations! It came in the mail this morning and I could not help but take pictures all day. After doing this for a couple hours, I realized that it might make for a dramatic picture-story of what happened throughout my day...involving my grandma's departure to Nigeria, and sad conversation between two old men who were finding it harder to get by on their Social Security checks. Check it out... October 29, 2008Seeing Angelique Kidjo at the Byham tonight was one of the most fulfilling, culturally significant experiences I've had in a while. Kidjo is such an inspiration. There are very few people who can discuss important issues of poverty and war while still maintaining a lighthearded atmosphere. Not to mention she was able to get the whole theater to dance! And over 50% of the audience was over 50. That, my friends, is an accomplishment. Extra kudos to the 70 something year old man who danced on stage with his cane. I think every person left the theater wanting to make the world a better place. Inspired. October 21, 2008
People who quit their jobs to do music full-time are crazy! So yes...I am crazy! But really..."it's a bit like dying. It's a bit like fallin' in love". Its the best of both worlds and I am feelin' the heat on both ends. Cameron Blake
is wonderful and you should know this. He and his cronies came up from Maryland last weekend and stayed over. Good memories of cellos, chinese, and the Mt. Washington incline. I am, once again, inspired. Pittsburgh is rubbing me sore. Sore. I am so thankful for people like
Ange & Ris and Cameron who are passionate about their faith and making their
music relevant to our culture and generation. They give me life! "Do you see a lifeless kingdom? Do you see it on the rise?" Yes, it's on the rise. And
I feel passionate about making a difference. Less dying. More loving. More living. More life. Give me life. Give me Christ. Give me truth. Less b.s. Less
meaninglessness. By the way...have you noticed that everybody likes God, but very few people like Jesus (unless he's on a homeboy shirt)? Just a recent
observation. October 4, 2008
I went to the Pittsburgh Public Theater for the first time this evening. I'm sorry to say that I had never gone before...and the only live plays I had ever
seen were at the University of Pittsburgh during my college years. Those don't count. Anyhow, going to the Oreilly Theater tonight made me proud to be part of
the Art scene in Pittsburgh. I saw Radio Golf, an incredible August Wilson performance about the implications of being a black person with power. That's the
short end of it...but it was definitely my kind of topic and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Afterward, Roger Humphries and his band played a beautiful jazz set. The
Gallery Crawl on Penn Ave kinda hyped things up. Anyhow, just a blog to say I've found a new love and I can't believe I've been missing out on this side of
Pittsburgh. September 30, 2008
Well hi! September 9, 2008
Sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing matters. "I have especially felt like this for the past two weeks. I wonder if all the stress of planning
events, driving miles upon miles, staying up late to update websites, send emails, create flyers is "Joy Ike making her mark in the world." Is
it? Yesterday (Monday) was a day that I think the answer was 'Yes'. But I think many days the answer is not yes. September 1, 2008
Hey Ya'll, August 25, 2008
Ok, watz the deal with technical difficulties? I dunno. The power went out during our set at the Sprout Fund this weekend. Major bummer.
It cut about 20 minutes from our program. But the peeps were very understand and we did a little impromptu rapping. Peace broke it down by
"spittin' a verb" (is that what they call it?) and I stood in the corner with some backing vocal stuff. Then the sound came back on but
everything was a mess. We couldnt hear ourselves on stage...and it was just a trainwreck! But it was so much fun!! Word! Yep, I'd do it again...
except for the tight, shiny dress that I couldn't breathe in. p.s. pictures from HotHouse are in my
albums. August 21, 2008
Here are some things about Blessing that have stuck with me... August 17, 2008
The Headhouse Market in Philly was maybe one of the most rewarding parts of my trip. There is something about performing at Farmers Markets that
excites me. Everything is so fresh, ears readily absorb the music, and there are so many colors. August 15, 2008
The only thing I could think of while in West Philly today was The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Did Will Smith really grow up in West Philly?
I dunno. August 11, 2008
I guess I shouldn't take on a defeatist attitude about anything…but I'm ready to come home. Today I had to part with my keyboard stand.
The one and only keyboard stand I've been using since I bought my keyboard three years ago. Even though it fits in the plane's cubbyhole,
Chicago Midway would not let me carry it on board and I would have had to check it in for $100 if I want to see it again. I don't get an
attitude often. But I got an attitude today. "I just don't understand! This is lighter than a carry-on or baby carriage. They let me carry it
on the way here from Pittsburgh." The lady tells me that I might swing it and knock someone down. I say, "Are you kidding me!" I just don't
have the patience for this anymore! I leave the metal detector area almost in tears and just know that I am ready to see my city, my car, and my
"normal" again. So I am looking to buy a double-braced keyboard stand before my show at the Backstage Bar on Thursday. Do you have one? Will you
sell it to me? Even better…will you give it to me? :) August 9, 2008
My first performance in Chicago was at an annual Spanish street festival. This was such a great experience. I've never had homemade enchiladas
before. Splendid! And tanned-skin babies are just about as good as it gets. I had a chance to do some more brushing up on my Spanish. The old
lady I passed: Abuela. The little boy playing kickball: Chico. What is your name?: Como te llama? That's about it. People listened to the
music, appreciated, and even bought a few CDs. Yah! On the way over, we drove past downtown. And I think if winters weren't as cold as
everyone says they are, I would gladly live here. It is so beautiful and friendly. So beautiful! August 8, 2008There's a man in the airport walking around with a coffee cup in his right hand. But I don't think its coffee he's drinking because he's staggering a lot. I've had miserable traveling experiences, but this probably tops it. Traveling with a keyboard has always made things extra difficult…like the extra luggage fees, and the pressure of checking bags that are potential overweight (all things that have happened today). Now, as I sit near the baggage claim in Chicago waiting for my ride to come (going on 3 ½ hours now), I know everyone passing me can see the tired in my eyes…the anger…and maybe the sadness too. For the first 45 minutes I sit and stare impatiently…and begin noticing that, compared to Chicago, Pittsburgh is severely lacking in the area of diversity. During the 2nd hour I discover a crossword puzzle book that almost made it into the garbage but didn't. I realize that while I have never been a fan of crosswords before, I now appreciate the fact that this stimulates my brain. During hour three, I repeatedly pull my cell phone out of my purse and say to myself, "It can't possibly be 11:30! Can it?" Especially since I left my house at 2:30 and I was only in the air for 90 minutes. And then I sigh, sit back and ask myself, "When do I catch a break?" and "Can I find a roadie on craigslist?" And then I laugh and decide that things could be alot worse and I should just continue people-watching…like this good-looking, scruffy, facial-haired gentleman in from of me, or the drunk man who is still hiding behind his coffee cup. August 6, 2008
This is just a little belated, but Tuesday's Drum Circle at the Plaza was FEE-nomenal! I can't remember the last time I had that much fun.
I guess lately, I've been feeling like this music has become work (which it is). But I still love music! And a drum circle is the perfect way
for me to still play music without the pressure of putting my best game forward. I still fully enjoy playing my PEE-ano but came out of a rough
weekend where I needed a good outlet. August 3, 2008
Thursday July 27, 2008
Last night's Songwriters Circle was like the feeling of pulling on a pair of white linen pants. Exactly! A room full of people willing to sit
on the floor and stand for 3 hours just to listen to, and support quality local music. Mark Williams, you are the man! I truly felt like we
were a huge family sitting by the camp fire singing carols or something (I know that sounds cheesy). Check out the video from last night...and
save the date. The next circle is Saturday, August 30th @ 8:30pm. July 22, 2008
Ok people...if you've been subscribed to this blog for over a year, you will clearly remember
my February 6, 2007 blog about the Mary Kate & Ashley lip gloss I owned that tasted like poison! I stood on my little soapbox and
questioned movie star perfumes and beauty products that could potentionally cause cancer and other unknown diseases. July 20, 2008
Many, many thanks to the honorable Tricia Chika for taking such a beatiful photo from last week's "Summer Stew at the Union Project.
more pictures in the Summer Stew folder on myspace). July 19, 2008My flowers are dead. July 13, 2008
Today I was told, for the first time, that there is no "in" crowd...that I don't have to worry about fitting "in" because there is no "in."
It's just something that exists in our heads. So to celebrate I went to the Strip District and bought flowers. Here are my sunflowers! July 9, 2008
Hey Friends, July 4, 2008Family trip to Philly! "Woohoo!" *sigh* My family is super great but somethings I like "Joy time." I like extra late night drives at 2am when I can turn my music up loud and cover a 4 1/2 trip in 3 hours and 45 minutes. Nigerians are naturally loud, boisterous people and everyone talks at the same exact time! The exact same time! Can you imagine that! No? Me neither. But I do have the pleasure of experiencing it. There are also a variety of smells in a 5-hour car trip. A mix of cooked rice, curry, sour breath, and stinky feet (I take full responsibility for the stinky feet). Sometimes I regret the fact that I don't own an ipod. But to give my family some credit, the music selection on this particular trip has been extra special. We've been listening to some well-produced Ugandan stuff. So yea...major cowbell action. So no..I don't need more cowbell. One last thing. It is sometimes very scary to see me without makeup. I hope the man at the rest stop will recover and maybe one day forgive me. June 29, 2008
Whoa what an amazing night!!! I am overwhelmed by all the support that was packed into one room at the CD Release last night. I thank you
all so much because you made the night worthwhile - worth all the work spent in recording the CD, scheduling practices with the band, driving
across the city posting flyers everywhere, sending out press kits and copies of the CD to media, spamming your individual myspaces, sending
facebook invites...etc. I hope you come out and support the band again this afternoon as we wrap up the Tour of Pennsylvania Bike Trek at
Market Square's Berry Festival. This is sure to be another kickin' show. We play at 3pm and 4pm. So here are all of my thanks! June 21, 2008Sometime in the last year...and I dunno how this happened...i crossed over into the pop music category. I passionately hated pop music - maybe because of its association to N'Sync and Britney Spears. Last week I changed my status to indie/pop/soul. I think for me, artists like Kenna, Brooke Waggoner, and Regina Spektor have redefined the definition of pop music and I now feel more comfortable with the idea of teenagers popping their gum-chewing heads to bouncy music. It's ok, Joy. It's ok. June 9, 2008Have you ever shaved with butter? I'm watching this specific episode of Seinfeld and I'm really tempted to try this. Kramer claims that it makes your skin smoother than a baby's bottom and I especially love smooth legs. Wish me luck on this one! June 5, 2008
Ok, I will admit...I am supa dupa stressed right now! Like majorly! What have I learned in the past month? If you want something done,
do it yourself. Period. You can only ask for help so many times and then it just gets to the point where you have to teach yourself how to
do things. Woop Woop! Empowerment! May 16, 2008
I get Garfield in my inbox every day. This is just about my favorite one. I hope you like it :) May 11, 2008There's nothing like reading the book of Ecclesiastes to put things into perspective. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm living in a dream...or really a ball of glass. And someone (God) is holding that ball. And everytime he shakes it, something different happens. Maybe there's a thunderstorm. Or maybe a car drives by and I can hear its wheels splash through a puddle of rain water. Or maybe the keyboard stand that's been laying agains my living room wall suddenly falls over and makes this loud crashing noise that almost wakes me up. It feels like a dream that I'm partly watching and partly in. "Enjoy prosperity while you can," verse 7:14 says, "But when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. That way you will realize that nothing is certain in life." The certainty of uncertainty is just about the hardest thing I've ever really understood. The permanence of death is hard to grasp but is becoming clearer by the day. And the word "dead" is still very hard to say. "Death" is just a concept. But "dead" means that you're actually referring to something. Like "my phone's dead." Or "my car won't start. The battery is dead." Or, more realistically, "my brother's dead." The more I realize that nothing is certain, the more I realize I need God. Happiness has become so temporary, so short-lived. But for some reason...and I don't understand how this works...pain makes life sweeter. And so, while nothing is certain or permanent other than life and death...and knowing that God holds both in the palm of his hands, I am feeling more obligated to try and understand God. Why he gives and takes away. Why he makes and breaks. Why nothing is for certain. April 30, 2008Today I learned that I could have easily prevented the unfortunate death of my ladybug by using granulated sugar to feed my flowers instead chemicalized flower food. I don't really know if ladybugs can swim, but if they can, I'm pretty sure they prefer sweet water over poisonous. April 26, 2008My heart goes out to the ladybug that drowned in my flower vase today. My guess is that the ladybug saw the lilies and in its attempt to a walk from one leaf to the next, it fell off of a white petal into the pool of water. The water was contaminated with "flower food" that i believe is a chemically enhanced granulated substance meant to prolong the life of the flower. Sadly it truncated the life of the ladybug. April 23, 2008
March 17, 2008
Something I’ve realized about myself in the past year is that I absolutely hate phone calls - not that I hate talking on the phone.
I hate hearing the phone ring and wondering whether or not it might be someone I don’t want to talk to. When my phone rings, unless
I’m expecting a call from a specific person, I usually don’t look at it. And if I do look at it, I don’t answer it. March 16, 2008Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had these illusions of grandeur...or, as I like to call them, delusions of grandeur. My childhood was actually a good one. I grew up in a good, safe neighborhood. Parents had good jobs, I had a great education. Never got into trouble. Always made high honor roll. And while I’m thankful for all of God’s provision, I sometimes wish it hadn’t happened that way. I dunno...I kinda like the underdog type story where the girl raises herself in the back of a trailer. She lives off banana peels and half empty soda cans for the first 18 years of her life. And then...against all odds she becomes a nationally known artist. Ya, that actually sounds appealing. But, that wasn’t the case with me. Life has honestly been easy. So when I think of the day four years ago when my brother was diagnosed with cancer, I think of the fact that I didn’t believe it. I definitely said something along the lin es of "Oh, he’ll be better next week." Or something like "Naw, this doesn’t happen to the Ike’s. The Ike’s are perfect." February 5, 2008
After much thought...I've decide that racisms is just as prevalent as it was 30 years ago...only a little more subtle. January 18, 2008
Many moons ago...18 months to be exact, I wrote an extensive blog about  January 1, 2008
This is what happens when you write down on a piece of paper all the things you want to let go of from 2007, put them in a bowl, and set
them on fire. Here's to 2008! 
 December 29, 2007I ran into another girl by the name of "Joy Ike" today. It was the most surreal thing ever! How does that happen? Well...I know how it happened. We actually had the same exact story--Nigerian chicks whose last names are actually 3, 4, or 5 times longer than their shortened American version. Her full last name is something like "Ikenioariooijioiahu" or i dunno....something close to that. I'll admit. I was kinda dissapointed to know that there is more than one Joy Ike. But from past attempts at googling my name (yes, i do google myself occasionally), I kinda knew there were others...i just didn't expect to meet any of them...in Pittsburgh! At the same time, this Joy Ike was very pleasant and we intend to hang out. She told me that she is a Junior at Robert Morris University. She plays basketball for them. She told me that when I performed at RMU 3 months ago, everyone was coming up to her asking her if she was also a musician. She mentioned that her roommate came to that show, got a copy of my CD, and they've both been listening to it for a while. We exchanged numbers. She's in my phone as "Joy Ike." haha. that's funny! December 14, 2007It's funny. We walk in. Hair done, purse in hand. A bit anxious actually. Diesel is dark. Lots of silhouettes and random flashing red and blue lights. I've been to Diesel many times. Opened for a band there once. A friend of mine got married there in October. But the air is different tonight and you have to give them you name at the door in order to get in. This isn't my "scene" and it feels extremely weird. Most of my night, in fact, involves standing in the corner of the room and hoping no one sees me. The other part of my night involves sitting in a leather chair on the balcony. Somewhere in between all of that, I am eating…a lot. Peace is with me. Peace: lets go dance! Joy: Lets not. Peace: You are sooo boring. Joy: I'm pretty sure I disagree with you. So we sit and fake laugh about nothing…cause everyone's doing that. What's funny about the City Paper "Best of" event is that you can't really walk around like you're the most important piece of meat in the room…because everyone who's there has won something – even the bartender. But still everyone sticks their chest out, holds their nose up rather high and looks for your name tag to find out "Who exactly is she and what did she win?" There is also a lot of peripheral vision stuff going on too. People are looking out of the corner of their eye to see if they're being seen. It's interesting. So I stare and stare some more at the screen as different categories, and their winners, fade in and fade out. Best looking male: Hines Ward. Best place to see beautiful people: Privelege UltraLounge. Best bar/club to avoid hipsters: Jack Rose Bar. It's actually quite absurd if you think about it. But there are also some really good ones! Best Mural/Public Artwork: East Liberty busway mural. Best place to take a hike: Frick Park. The night wraps up. High heels and extra large egos walk out the door. Nothing has really changed. I go home to a cold apartment…b/c I'm too cheap to turn the gas on. November 16, 2007
I love Mr. Rogers! He makes me so happy! Today, I woke up and did not go to work. With a bowl of oatmeal in my hand,
I sat down on my parents couch, turned on PBS, and watched as Mr. Rogers welcomed me to his Neighborhood. He is so friendly.
His talking is slow and melodic like music. He is so comfortable. Ahhhh! November 5, 2007
Sara Groves has done it again! I suppose it's not hard for her. Good music and good lyrics just bubble out of her! She has just released her
6th full-length album – Tell Me What You Know. If you didn't know, now you know. Actually it comes out tomorrow but I got it a week ago. One of
the perks of working at a publishing and distribution company (that was bragging). I hope to start a Sara Groves cult. My commune will probably
only accept Sara Groves lovers anyhow. The screening process will be thorough in order to ensure that all members are in fact fully committed to
Sara Groves. Are you a true Sara Groves fan? Test yourself. If you are, then you would know that she just popped out her third child this summer.
Ruby. And any baby whose name is slightly or largely associated with the color red is a friend of Joy Ike. November 2, 2007
The mess I got myself into with my ear resulting in the use of a syringe, razor, tweezers, sewing needle and thread...
For my birthday, I hike myself over to the jewelry store and get two additional piercing in my left ear...taking the count up to 5.
They give you this bottle of cleaner and a signed waiver saying that they cannot be held responsible for any unforeseen emergencies,
catastrophes...etc. 4 weeks pass...and I've probably only cleaned my ear once! Sometime during that 4th week, I check out my ear in the
mirror and the earring is gone! Did it fall out? I look in my bed, assuming it has fallen off in the middle of the night. No signs. I look on
the bathroom floor. No signs. I look at my ear (again). There it is! Only...the skin has closed over it and my earring is...yes...embedded in my
ear! A little 'diamond' stud is somewhere inside my ear! October 22, 2007
Time of death 12pm EST. I've been "calling it" all day, every day, for the past 3 weeks. There are flies everywhere in my office.
It's an epidemic and I've gone borderline insane killing flies, and finding the right music to drown out the constant buzzing in my ears.
It's amazing how loud a buzz can get. And it's interesting, because the most random fly references have popped into my life on one-too-many
occasions - like the Garfield cartoon that arrived in my mailbox last week. See below. According to our Vice President, when our building was
originally built, there was some type of fly colony at a nearby construction site that migrated and made its home in the foundation, frames, and
corners of this building…and because of the unseasonable warm fall, they've hatched and "an exterminator will not be able to solve the problem."
Because of this, we've all come to a general agreement at work that flies are/were/must have been the worst all of all the plagues the children of
Egypt suffered through (next to death of the firstborn). October 7, 2007Today at my friend's wedding, the past met the present. People I had not seen in years. Teens who have become adults. Memories pulled from the archives. Several years back, growing up together in youth group, we were all the same. One thing brought us together- our love, pursuit, and passion for God. This is the same thing that drove us apart. Some of us were called to move to different cities and schools. Some were called to pursue bigger things. Some of us put God on a shelf and convinced ourselves that he was only "a phase" that had passed. Many, many things have changed in 3 1/2 years. I've completely changed. I look back on who I was, and compared to now, I cannot even find a way to reconcile the two. I love who I am today. I am ashamed of who I was yesterday. Back then, the church to me was a cliché. I belonged somewhere and those who were not a part were unimportant. I have become a bit less naive. I didn't know the world was the way it is...b/c I didn't know it was ok to befriend, embrace, and embark on life with those who did not love or live or believe in Christ. It was only after leaving 'the church" mentality that God began to show me what true love, compassion, and human value is. I realized, only in the past few years, that the church is not the community. The community is the church. I realized that emphasizing the value of human life should not be saved just for the unborn, but for the neglected, hurting people I see everyday…and for the neglected, hurting me that I purposely hide from others. There are things I never thought of 4 years ago…like "why do I have clean water?", "does this person live there…or is he waiting for the bus?" , "should I pray for this stranger?" I wonder, if I were still fellowshipping with only Christians, if any of these would be an issue to me. When I left "the church", I became lonely. I began to shrink b/c I was not comfortable. I am more and more uncomfortable everyday…but that makes me comfortable. October 1, 2007Today I've promised myself that I will start going to bed on time, I will eat regularly, I will no-longer over-commit myself, and I will start saying NO to people! I've also decided that if work doesn't get done when its supposed to get done, I wont get anxious, and I wont tighten up. I'll simply look at it, blink, then walk the other way. I will also start reading books for leisure again…not just for my job (that's not to say that I actually read those books). I will also spend 5-10 minutes a day stretching on my living room floor. If I continue to try to be perfect, it will be the death of me…so no more. And for all ya'll emailing me about music at my work email…how did you even get that yo! I didn't give that to you, homie! *Tisk tisk* There are of course exceptions…like Nadina. Also, instead of sitting on the edge of my seat, my butt will be all the way against the back of the chair. I might also abandon list-making. If it's that important then I'll remember in my head, not on paper, or on my hand. I won't be doing anymore shows in October and November…other than the ones that I've already committed to already. Do you know how it feels to realize that the world will revolve even if you're not on it. It feels good! Even if it were to stop revolving…well that's not a big deal. Everything needs a break occasionally…even the world. September 10, 2007Today I've promised myself that I will start going to bed on time, I will eat regularly, I will no-longer over-commit myself, and I will start saying NO to people! I've also decided that if work doesn't get done when its supposed to get done, I wont get anxious, and I wont tighten up. I'll simply look at it, blink, then walk the other way. I will also start reading books for leisure again…not just for my job (that's not to say that I actually read those books). I will also spend 5-10 minutes a day stretching on my living room floor. If I continue to try to be perfect, it will be the death of me…so no more. And for all ya'll emailing me about music at my work email…how did you even get that yo! I didn't give that to you, homie! *Tisk tisk* There are of course exceptions…like Nadina. Also, instead of sitting on the edge of my seat, my butt will be all the way against the back of the chair. I might also abandon list-making. If it's that important then I'll remember in my head, not on paper, or on my hand. I won't be doing anymore shows in October and November…other than the ones that I've already committed to already. Do you know how it feels to realize that the world will revolve even if you're not on it. It feels good! Even if it were to stop revolving…well that's not a big deal. Everything needs a break occasionally…even the world. September 10, 2007
I always feel like I'm stuck in nostalgia. Today I listened to the Josh Moyer Band's The Rescue - a compilation of original worship songs.
I was reminded of Saturday mornings as a kid...waking up to music playing throughout the house...going to my parents bedroom and seeing my mother
dancing before the Lord. Her hands lifted up and her voice lifted up with the sweetest vibrato. She always shook her hips and closed her eyes with
the most innocent, content smile of appreciation plastered on her face. And then she would extend her arms to me and ask me to join her.
I miss that soooo much! August 26, 2007
I bought a dulcimer yesterday!!! I didnt know what it was when I saw it, but it was so miniature and cute!
It was $8 at a garage sale! I learned four notes on it. This is my Dulcimer video. Joy's other videos July 27, 2007There have been three murders on the North Side in the last three weeks. 1 hit-and-run this evening. The Postal Service building robbed. My good friend's apartment was robbed last week…including digital camera, jewelry, and laptop. Tonight some of the ladies of Mosaic got together to pray. Actually it was Book Club…but the last 90 minutes turned into a discussion and prayer time on how to handle what's going on. When our friends lose their children to a drive-by shooting, how do we react? Especially when we're so used to this happening to other people. When the kids of ACAC, Mosaic, Urban Impact, Pittsburgh Project, and His Place lose their friends, what do they do? There's an overwhelming sense of fear on the North Side right now. It's the summer and the kids don't want to be outside…especially since 2 of the three shootings have occurred during the afternoon. Jehru Donaldson, who went through the Urban Impact program, graduated and was off to college in the fall. Somebody wanted his car so they killed him for it. On my drive home, I wondered "is it a sin to live in the suburbs?" (or even in the suburban mindset) …where everyone has their own 2-3 acres of land, doesn't know their neighbor, and doesn't care to. Or, is it a sin to live in the better part of the city…where there are never shootings and you can go home at night without worrying about a break-in? I think I'm asking this for personal reasons. Because as much as I, or you try our best to serve others, love others, and impact others, we'll always take comfort in the fact that we can go back home at the end of the day…unless you can't. I seriously think there is a lack of hope permeating the neighborhoods of Pittsburgh right now. On the flipside there is an overabundance of disregard in the suburban communities. Without trying to trivialize anything or sound cliché, I really think the answer is God...Christ. Nobody has anything to live for anymore. People are dying and killing each other b/c they don't know the meaning of "love thy neighbor." People are depressed because they're lonely…because no one cares about them…b/c we're all so selfish…b/c we forgot to "love they neighbor as thyself." Because we forgot that life is all about community. Because we started isolating ourselves and telling people not to bother us with their problems. July 23, 2007
Today the idea of being a workaholic passes through my mind. I start to think that, that just might be who I am. Instantly I flashback to a night
like many nights back in middle school and highschool. Mom is on-call at the hospital. Dad is sitting at the kitchen table working to finish the
work that he could not work on at work. His eyes are red. He scratches them constantly trying to rub out the sleep. Mom's voice sounds tired over
the phone as she says, "Baby Joy, you have to be mini-mom while I'm gone". I now realize, that after spending 8 hours in front of a computer during
the day, I'm spending at least 2-4 more each night doing more work for myself – updating the website, updating the myspace, making a flyer, telling
everyone about the "biggest event of the summer" which really isn't the biggest event (but I have to make them believe that). The result?
Well…progress. A lot of good progress. But I am tired. I think maybe I should go to Maui and detox from all
marketing initiatives. And then when I come back I can resume promoting "the biggest event to hit Pittsburgh since never before and never again" July 12, 2007
Well hello friends! June 5, 2007
I have your number in my pocket May 25, 2007Today I found out for the first time, that my co-worker is pregnant. She's been pregnant since before Christmas. You can imagine how embarrassed I was considering that her office is next to mine…and that I see her in the lunchroom every day! It makes me wonder if maybe my head is in the clouds a little bit more than it should be. There is a new video store down the street from my house that rents all its videos for one dollar! One dollar! Even new releases! In the past 4 days I've watched Superman Returns, The Devil Wears Prada, Bourne Supremacy, and Night at the Museum (which is an awesome movie by the way). Is this a good thing? If I were white, my skin might be pale from lack of sunlight. I'm thinking I should get out more. I didn't even hit up the park this week. Maybe I should blame Angela for telling me about this rental spot? No, I think I just need to watch fewer movies and meet more people. Oh yea…I also need to learn my inversions (refer to last entry). *chuckle* But I think I should stop being so closed off. Sit on my yoga ball less. Run outside more. Surf the internet less. Surf the waves more. No no, I'm not a surfer…and I have no desire for that schmuck! Water is my enemy. It makes my hair brittle. I love the outdoors. Being at Schenley Park. There are little black boys and girls everywhere learning the meaning of endurance. They sprint a lap, then jog a lap, then walk. Then sprint a lap, jog a lap, walk a lap. Sprint, jog, walk. They're so cute! Some of them cry b/c their coaches push them too hard. The tennis players are cute too. They like to pretend they're really good. They let out these antagonizing yelps every time they smack the ball…like the athletes at Wimbledon. Ahhhh!!! Or Yeeeeee!!! Or Aggghh! And every time their opponent scores a point, they fall dramatically to the ground and say "Uhhhhhh". They hold their heads between their hands, and then in an explosive fit of aggression, try to cut through the earth with their Wilson tennis rackets. Most of them leave the court with deformed equipment. Not really. I'm making this all up! See…my heads are in the clouds again! My eyes are flying out of my head. I've been staring at this computer too long. Time to get back to work and see who else is pregnant. May 24, 2007Today was another day of dreaming…of all the things I could/will do – like traveling the globe, meeting Spanish men *chuckle*, and changing people with my music. I'm suddenly thrown back to my senior year at Taylor Allderdice High School. I'm at Oliver High where City Championships for Track & Field are being held on the fenced-in track. I'm really nervous because there are hundreds of people in the stands and the announcer is about to shoot the gun for the 100m hurdles event to begin. I'm really nervous because a lot of people are watching and all the competitors are really good. I want 2nd place. I wont try for first b/c the chic who always gets first has been a consistent 2 seconds faster than me since 9th grade…and I've always placed behind her. I'm thinking about this now because I'm very nervous about music. Yesterday my piano teacher discovered my big setback. Inversions. Something as simple as inversions. If I knew my inversions, I'd be more versatile on the board. I'd be flexible. First inversions, 2nd inversions. 3rd …wait there is no 3rd inversion. I should know that, right? I'm nervous that my hands don't move like I want them to- like maybe something in my brain doesn't translate to something in my fingers. I'm nervous that I feel stupid ever time I drive home from a lesson. Because my skills pail in comparison to his and every other pianist I know. I'm not beating myself up…so don't think this is a pity party. And no…you don't have to console me. You don't have to leave comment saying, "Joy, I love your music just as it is." I'm just a bit nervous. Once again, I haven't been trying for 1st place because 1st place has always been better than me. Some guy...I forget his name...he says "There are only two things holding you back from accomplishing your dreams -fear of failure and fear of success." So…this is the problem. Try for 1st place, Joy. Just try! I don't need self-help cassettes to make myself feel better about achieving great things. I need determination. I need confidence. I need to know my inversions is what I need! Last Friday, I read the most challenging quote by Tyler Perry, playwrite and director for the Diary of a Mad Black Woman and Madea family movies. "If you have a natural talent to do things, and then nurture it, educate it into making it better...No matter what's going on in the world, no matter how many writers, your gift will make room for you...if it's your gift, nurture it and make it the best that it can be." There may be 10,000 people trying for the same exact thing I'm trying for. But if God's calling me to do it, well then he's going to make a way for me to do it exceedingly well – better than I ever thought possible. I intend to honor that. To whom much is given, much is required. Plenty of times, my coach said my legs were too long for me to run the hurdles in 17.3 seconds…that if I wanted to go to regionals, I'd have to push for under 16. I'm back at the track field. I don't get 1st place. I don't get 2nd place. I get 3rd. Its funny how seeing things in hindsight can profoundly affect your future. April 15, 2007Things can change if you want them to. After a weekend of benefit concerts, I'm overwhelmed by the amount of need there is. How can anyone be involved in any type of relief work without becoming overwhelmed by the work that needs to be done, the ever increasing number of people needing help, and the lack of people willing to give it? On a weekly basis, I'm learning that I've been living out faith through a pinhole - that touching the heart of God does not just mean learning of him through the Bible, worshiping with others on Sunday mornings, and prayer. Those are all important. Those are my foundation. But going after God more than anything these days means finding need an addressing it. Baridi Night was an awareness benefit addressing the struggles that Sudanese and Zambian refugees face upon arriving in America - prejudice, language barriers, inability to grasp the concept of the unfriendliness and lack of community among Americans…and the list goes on and on. How do refugees get jobs if they don't go to school? How can they get an education without having learned English? How do they learn English but by people who care enough to teach them. Those who receive grace must be gracious. FLUX was an event put together and sponsored by the Three Rivers Arts Festival, Coro Center for Civic Leadership, Braddock Township Borough, Americorps and several other local organizations. It was an event promoting and celebrating community revitalization, local visual and performing artists, and young creative thinkers. I got into a conversation with Americorps' Program Director and we talked on how Braddock used to be one of the most thriving communities in Pittsburgh - home of the oldest Carnegie Library in the country. There used to be a community swimming pool in its basement and a gymnasium on its top floor. Things happened in Braddock. Now, the church where FLUX bands performed has stained glass-looking windows with holes created by baseballs, basketballs, and golf balls. The windows are dirty, the wood floors are cracked, the paint is chipped, and on any other day of the week, the building is abandoned. There is need in Braddock, there is need in Homewood, there is need in Carnegie, there is need in the Northside, Southside, South America, South Africa, Nigeria, Europe, Asia…My pastor once said "To make it in this world people need to pull themselves up by their boot straps. But some people don't have arms and some people don't have boots." What touches the heart of God is providing boots and lending your arms to those who have one, the other, or neither. April 15, 2007
Release April 14, 2007
You Followed April 7, 2007This weekend, I've been reflecting on what the cross really means to me. I've thought a little on my life in the past year and wondered whether or not everything I've lived for truly honors the cross. The cross is the perfect picture of grace and hope – two words that have come to mean a lot to me this year. Last night at Good Friday service, my pastor referenced Exodus 15. I don't remember what he was talking about, but we read verse 25…about how the Israelites were complaining because they couldn't find any water to drink. They were desperate, cranky, hopeless…because the only available water was bitter. Moses cried out to God for a solution. God showed Moses a piece of wood to throw into the bitter water. Moses threw the wood in and the water became drinkable. This is our lives. The wood, the cross, redeems even the most bitter areas of our lives…even the most difficult situations. The cross is grace, hope, love, and redemption. The cross is the story of my life. March 16, 2007
Mystery February 28, 2007All I wanna do is a zoom a zoom zoom... People People! Spring is on its way. February 28th. There's snow all over the place where I work. Patches of ice, mounds of snow, and even sharp fang-like teethy icicles. But drive 25 minutes into Pittsburgh where I live and it's as clear as a summer night – minus the towering smoke from the chicken-barbequing grill on the patio! Lovin' it! Ok, I'm getting way ahead of myself. They should make a rule that can only be enforced from 9-5...a rule stating that you can't daydream. Because if they did, I'd get a lot more done. I daydream a lot. I just finished a new song this week about the world inside my head. It's called "The World Inside My Head". Today I'm daydreaming about Art Festivals – how all I wanna do from now until September is play at Art Festivals. Shadyside Art Festival. Lawrenceville Art Festival. Bloomfield Art Festival. Murrysville Art Festival. And most importantly the Three Rivers Art Festival. I also wanna play art festivals in the middle of Hickville…where they line up wild pigs and race them against each other. They also pit little Chihuahuas against each other...the ones they've starved for days in order to ensure that they'll be extra vicious and destructive. I wanna do it all (except be one of those dogs). That's all I wanna do…a zoom a zoom zoom! I want to do art festivals in different cities, in different states, and in different countries. If you know of one, can you tell me? I think maybe in the summer, I wanna organize a one week tour with 3 or 4 friends…musician…also known as frusicians. We'll go wherever we want and hopefully hit Nashville. We'll rock the world with our words, season souls with our serenades, and make moves with our music. Oh yes! "This is the world inside my head!" February 10, 2007
Bipolar January 19, 2007I might begin to classify myself as a jazz artist. If I hit wrong notes, I can pretend I did it on purpose. Jazz music is a mess of notes that don't really fit together. I think the random ones are called "accidentals". I'm not 100% sure on this though. "No no, that was not a wrong note. That was an 'accidental' played on purpose my friend." I had a dream earlier this week that I was on a stage performing. I think it was a high school auditorium. I had my piano and my red stool and Peace was playing djembe. But the longer I played, the worse it got. I kept trying to redeem myself by playing harder, faster, and longer but it just got embarrassing. I think this is why I was late to work that day. I didn't want to wake up. I forced my eyes to stay shut so I could play a song that people would like. If I were a jazz artist maybe I wouldn't have been late to work on Tuesday. I had a piano lesson this week. It's embarrassing, discouraging, and upsetting when you think you know something about a subject and then collide with someone who knows 10x more. Like me and my nalgene bottle. I take it everywhere. I used to call myself "Queen of the Nalgene" but then I met someone who owns 5 Nalgene bottles. I felt extra not-special. And then I found out my nalgene bottle wasn't even really a real Nalgene b/c Nalgene is a brand, not a product. So mine is actually imitation Nalgene. I should have known because mine broke and Nalgene are supposed to be unbreakable. If I were a jazz artist I would still be "Queen of the Nalgene". At tonight's show, I played many wrong notes, but on purpose. I figure I should get some practice. In the middle of my songs, I dictated short monologues. At the end of the night, I realized I'd been talking to an artificial tree all evening. Do jazz artists and jazz wannabes avoid eye contact with their audience on purpose? Maybe in an attempt to look cool? "Uh yea…this is just some diddy I threw together last night…in my dream *looks at tree* "uh it's about the color blue" *looks at an audience member than looks away again* "Uh this song is called…uh 'Blue love in GMinor7sus2add4minus13' uh, yea." (not a real chord but you can fake it in jazz) December 31, 2006Thoughts on hope and other things. It's 10:08…1 hour, 52 minutes till the new year and I expect only the best in 2007. A couple months ago my pastor preached a message on the definition of hope…misconceptions n'stuff. I used to think hope was all about thinking and wishing for the best but I realize that it's more like a confident expectation- no wishing, just knowing. If you've ever thought hard enough about it, you know wishing doesn't mean anything. When I blew out the candles on my birthday cake at the age of 11, I wished for a certain somebody in Mr. Letterman's 5th grade class to fall in love with me. That didn't happen. But it was for the better as this certain somebody turned out to be, and look, real nasty by the time we reached our senior year in high school. Right now I'm watching the Jersey Boys on Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Celebration. I wish they would get off stage! Hope, unlike wishing, makes you work toward something. Last week, I thought about wiping 2006 away. Not with cheap fluid from the dollar store but the heavy duty Lysol cleaner. It doesn't leave any streaks or watermarks or nothing! But then... "HOPE". I'm thinking, I need to change my perspective on things. How you exit is how you enter and I am leaving this year in the best of all frames of mind. I am so excited to see what 2007 brings – great people, great love, great acts of love, and great music! "I know, and you know that there's always hope for better things in the new year!" 10:38 and the Jersey Boys are off stage. *sighs in relief* Happy New Year to you! I wish only the best for you and your family. I pray you find everything you're looking for in 2007 and know that you are loved by the only one that can love unconditionally. Hope for the best! Then work towards it! (visit myspace for lyrics to "Hope") |
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